The weather has warmed a bit. If we were up north still, we would call it an Indian summer, but to us in the south, it’s just a normal weather pattern. If we had gotten any rain lately, you would barely know it’s fall.

I’m starting to feel stuck again. I feel like this is a test of faith. I need to focus and meditate hard today after I finish my chores. I don’t want to lose my progress. I know I am/was on the right path, and I refuse to fall again. I’ve wasted too much time lost. No, I’m not where I want to be fully, but I also have 2 months in of a clearer mindset. Positive affirmations, meditation/healing music daily, and thoughtful prayer.

I had some terrible nightmares last night. I can’t remember the second one, but they both freaked me out and woke me from a dead sleep. I was once told it’s not what the dream is about but the emotion you feel in the dream. Mine were fear and terror. I think because our financial situation is getting worse and I’m getting backed against a wall. My husband is pushing me to take a job with his former boss. I have to write a resume. And I have very little information about this job. I know it’s a government based job. I know it’s in accounting. I know the starting pay isn’t great, but the growth is good.
My husband is putting too much pressure on me to fix our financial situation. He’s tired of working 2 jobs. Understandably so, but he chose to take the lower paying job and work a second job until he made more at his first. It’s a good pension job. But he’s already talking about being able to quit his second job. He’s only 3 months in on working 2 jobs.
I explained to him that the new job supposedly doesn’t pay well to begin with. I make between 200-300 a week currently. So I wouldn’t be making much more weekly. That doesn’t justify him quitting a job that pays 500 a week. Also, we have acquired a good bit of debt in the past few months. Yes, some of it was unnecessary, but not much.
There were a lot of things that came up. Our lawnmower broke, and we got a new one. We live on an acre and got a riding one and a cheap patio set that was on sale. Afterwards, we have been hit with thing after thing. Lots of dental work my husband has needed, including 2 surgeries. He had a staph infection develop in a cyst in his arm, so he needed that removed. This will be ongoing. He saw a dermatologist yesterday because that bump is refilling, and he has 2 additional they want to remove and test for cancer. Our septic tank needed to be emptied. I needed to go to the eye doctor for new contacts and glasses. I already put it off a year and couldn’t any longer. Plus, I’ve been to urgent care and an ENT trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Our bathroom light/vent fan died on us. We have used it to get salt for the water softening system (old system that came with the house, but well water is corrosive, so we need to maintain it), furnance filters, and other basic needs. We use it for cat litter, cat food, and dog food. I also needed an oil change and 2 new tires. He needed new rotars and brakes. We’ve bought groceries a few dozen times.
We lost 2 big accounts for our (my) business that totaled $900 a month. I say our because it’s in his name. I, however, do all the work. I do the budgeting, invoices, business expense/profit logs, and manage our facebook page. I also do all labor/jobs myself. I feel in  over my head, and I don’t want to break. I guess this was a vent post.

I know I am strong and have overcome much worse. I know this is but a small mountain to climb. I just always freak staring at the mountain. I hate not being able to see the other side or a way to it.